Handling marital conflicts

By Ngozi Nwoke

Marriage is a universal institution. Instituted by God in the garden of Eden, it is for companionship and procreation.

However, many marriages are facing various challenges across the world. The situation is such that some couples merely live as flatmates, without intimacy or love for one another. Some conflicts even degenerate to the extreme, leading to maiming or killing of their spouses.

So, in a bid to strengthen the bond between couples and reduce marital conflicts, the Men’s Christian Association (MCA) of the Presbyterian Church of Nigeria, Lekki Parish, Lagos, last weekend, organised a get-together/couples’ night for those in marriage to mark the end of the year.

At the event, which was well attended by couples, the president of the MCA, Mr. Orji Ukariwe, noted that the couples’ night was part of strategies to foster peace and address marital conflicts among couples.

Ukariwe further stated that the rate of divorce had become alarming, to a point where bachelors and spinsters were scared of getting committed to marriage.

He said: “As part of our mandate in the MCA, which is to fellowship among men and also provide social stimulation that would help our homes, we chose to organise the end-of-year party/couples’ night by bringing our spouses together. The event is also an opportunity for spouses to evaluate how far they have been able to sustain their marriage  from January to December. Part of the challenges hindering peace and love in most marriages today is the lack of attention and time for family get-together. When couples spend quality time together, it helps to enhance their communication. It increases the bond between them.

“You see, some couples cannot spend time away from each other. That is the benefit of giving attention and creating time for your spouse. The whole essence of the couples’ night is to bring couples together for them to hear the teachings of the Bible on marriage and enjoy happy moments with their spouses. By the time we study together, we take cognisance of factors that cause marital conflicts and also learn possible ways to resolve these issues. The Bible says two shall become one. Christ teaches us to love our wives. That means, without love, marriage cannot hold in the first place. Love is the basic ingredient to having a successful marriage. When there is no love in a marriage, the devil makes his way into the home to cause havoc. We hope that every couple would follow the commandments and improve on their marital lapses.”

Elder Urum Kalu Eke, who gave the word of exhortation, admonished couples to practice the doctrine of Jesus Christ, which preaches that husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church. He added that love, submissiveness, understanding and tolerance are the key ingredients needed to achieve a long-lasting marriage.

“The church is made up of different categories of people such as the young, the elderly, the married and the unmarried. These categories of people all come from different family backgrounds and upbringing. So, this tells us that, when two adults from different environments and orientations get married, a lot of human efforts must take place for them to have an enjoyable union. This couples’ night out was organised for couples to come and learn how to maintain a happy home. The first lesson was to identify the challenges affecting marriages. From there, we identify their causes and follow procedures to resolve these marital challenges. The get-together was also for couples to share tips on how they rekindle their love so that others can learn. Couples were seen having a heart-to-heart discussion with their spouses. Marriage is God’s gift to the man because without marriage humanity fades out. So, a good marriage is the bedrock of humanity. That is why we are here to celebrate couples.

“I use this opportunity to encourage people to appreciate the true essence of marriage. It is true that the rate of divorce is high in the society, but that shouldn’t scare intending couples from having a positive mindset and enjoy their marriages. There is absolutely nothing to be scared about marriage, especially when the marriage is ordained by God. That also means that intending couples must be prayerful and fervently seek the face of God and His direction. So, the first thing is to overcome the fear of marrying a wrong partner and trust in the Holy Spirit’s direction,” Eke stated.

Mr. Peter Okwara, who described marriage as a union worth enjoying between two consenting adults in love, also demystified the fallacy that marriage was a death trap due to the increasing spate of divorce.

“Anyone who says marriage is not a good venture to go into is not being completely truthful. People forget to recognise that a good marriage requires lots of investment. The fact is that people are not ready to be committed and dedicated in a lifetime venture such as marriage and that is why the western countries adopted the contract marriage system. We must first of all acknowledge that no human is perfect. You cannot have all the qualities you desire in one person as an intending couple or married couple. People have failed to accept this fact. So, if we must be realistic, then we must accept these facts.

“Secondly, we must understand that God created husband and wife for them to complement each other’s flaws. That is why He said a wife is a helpmeet to her husband. Helping each other grow is one thing some couples find difficult to do. In today’s marriage, unfortunately, what we see are couples competing among themselves, couples trying to outshine one other. It’s a sad situation but that is not enough to scare intending couples from creating a good marriage. A happy marriage is all about love, understanding, patience, trust and tolerance. With all these put in action, we should be able to have an increased number of long-lasting marriages in our society,” Okwara said.

Evangelist Chimezie Egwu Obasi, who is the chairman, planning committee of the MCA, Presbyterian Church of Nigeria, Lekki Parish, said: “We are here tonight, being December 4, for Couples’ Night Out/Dinner. The birth was as a result of the busy nature of Lagos, where we found ourselves.  We use this opportunity to unwind, bond and renew some marriage vows among us. We also use this medium to appreciate our wives, play games and invite some specialists in marriage to give us talks. I am happy because the turnup was impressive. Among us are ministers, elders and couples that have positively contribution to the growth of our great nation. It’s now a yearly event.”

The post Handling marital conflicts appeared first on The Sun Nigeria.